I told myself I wasn't going to do this.....

Ok, so it's valentines day, and given the title you can probably already guess what I'm going to complain about and that's making me feel even worse on top of the shit I already feel like.... I had better ideas for what to post next but I need to just spill my guts somewhere....

I do believe that Valentines day has been taken advantage of by large companies for a profit but it's harder to say that when you know that there are people who actually enjoy it and believe in the romance that seems to infect peoples hearts on this one particular day.   But what sucks is the people who don't have anyone else to celebrate the day with get to see the others who are happy, get to be the person that hears all the stories and gets told the secrets of gifts that are to be given.   Being the person people just talk to gets sad because you can't hate the people who are happy just because they want to share their feelings, but it's tiresome to go by year after year and be that person who just gets told the secrets without any to share yourself.

This is who I am, I've never been the important person who gets a gift on valentines day, never had someone special at all in all of my years.   And I have to say that this year is probably the worse right now, at least when I was home I got the pleasure of locking myself in my room alone and not feel too frustrated because the others happiness around me I knew wasn't going to last.   I also had family and at least one very close friend who would try and keep up the conversation with me in their equal loneliness.   Now, when I'm surrounded by people on this day I've never really felt more alone.  Everyone else either has a date for today (even though they can't spend time together because of schedules), or is staying together for the day in a group.   I'm trying to be part of that group but it's showing now more than ever that I'm new to the group, I have friends, but were not exactly close yet.  The other lonely people that I was going to hang out with today still ended up with cards and packs of chocolate by very close friends, my roommate who seemingly got the same things I did (nada) at least has family in the area that she's going to see tonight, and knowing that statement means I will truthfully be alone all night long.....

So, happy Valentines day to all of you.   And to the people who are just listeners again this year, your defiantly not alone.